I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
