thus making me awesome and them whores
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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