I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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