Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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