I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
