Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
