I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
