saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize