Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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