Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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