Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
