Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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