i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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