no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
