so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize