I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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