She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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