first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
