guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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