I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
