Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
