someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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