He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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