Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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