Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
