I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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