I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
