ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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