my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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