people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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