Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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