its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
