I'm lost and stupid without you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
