We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
