i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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