did you get engaged???
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
