Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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