Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't think brook has ever known best
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
