literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
