I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
