you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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