.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
