I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
