me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize