I need help removing her.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if only i could text you this smell
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
