i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
