Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
