Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize