Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize