The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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