Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
