We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
