we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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