Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize