Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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