I'm really into asian looking animals
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
