Dude my mom stole all your condoms
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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