Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
