I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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