yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize