haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
