just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize