PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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