maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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