i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
high people should be assigned attendants
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
