So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
