he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize