I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
