I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
