Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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