so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
