I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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