worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
