I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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