I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
