Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
