I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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