So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
