i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
