I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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