you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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