i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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