Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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