Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
high people should be assigned attendants
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
