Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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