I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
