You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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